Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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