alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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