you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
