I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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