I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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