but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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