WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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