just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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