i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
