Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
