Tell her she can't have a vagina
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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