I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
