Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
