I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
