Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
