To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
