Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
