there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
