Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
