I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize