i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
