When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
ttyl tear gas
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
