look no pants
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
