My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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