did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
