It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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