shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
