i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
