i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
