I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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