Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
