Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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