i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My pussy is not your playground.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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