I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
