My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
