If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize