I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
