i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
