So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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