The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
