you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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