Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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