So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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