i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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