You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
