no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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