it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
