I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
