and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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