just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
