I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
