Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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