I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
