I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
