im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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