I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
