put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So many bounce houses so little time
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
