You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
