at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
