Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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