3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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