still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
