Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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