Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize