she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize