I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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