Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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