Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
