I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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