Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
