Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
