Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
