I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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