i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You may now shotgun with the bride
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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