Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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