i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
