i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
