Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
