It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
