There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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